Craft your own rituals

I keep seeing posts giving me a glimpse into the morning/evening/breakfast/dinner routines of the Internet cognoscenti with a promise that if I adopt the same, my life will expand dramatically. I have now also seen a few posts saying to ignore those other posts because we’re all different. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of a “Do these 10 things” or “Buy this 7 items” type lists as the list length is arbitrary and the items are typically things I already do, or can’t do, or won’t do. I’m here to say that the things you do are your own to choose, but the real value is to create your own rituals or routines. This seems like a no-brainer, but I’ll expand.

I grew up in a non-religious household with periodic trips to church to stay good with God, I don’t remember a whole lot of the experience and don’t feel it shaped me too much. When I was dating my now-wife I attended Catholic Mass with her a few times and realized how much different it truly was from my churchgoing experience. There was a flow to the process, something I would see at the time as potentially comforting to those in attendance. You might be paying attention to the actual sermon, you might not, but you knew when it was time to stand, to kneel, to sing, to pray. The entirety of the Mass was its own ritual which eased the minds of the congregation. I wasn’t for me, but I could see there was a benefit.

Flash forward to this past month in my life. I was finding a flow with a morning ritual that worked for me and which helped bring peace into my life, then one day, we got a puppy. While this new addition to the family has been surprisingly drama-free, it has brought with it a change in my morning. Previously I had a pattern of getting up, tending to our other critters (chickens & older dog), making coffee, doing yoga, journaling, and blogging. Now, I had a puppy which sort of fit in there, but I had to be vigilant that I didn’t allow him to pee in the house, or chew things up… and he always needed to be near me. For the past few weeks, I always get my coffee, but yoga is intermittent, journaling and blogging is non-existent. My ritual was broken and my mental state has been sliding all the while. I feel guilty for not doing these things which were a priority in my life. I can now see how a devout Catholic could feel distraught if they miss their weekly mass, that departure of habitual comfort is rough.

In religion and in the podcast/blog world, ritual gives us comfort without the necessity of thought. Now, this can quickly fly in the face of my mantra, Be Mindful in All Things, but it doesn’t have to. I can’t speak for religious ritual, but I can talk all day about my daily habits and those of the productivity masters across the web. Ritual, on its own, gives you one (or more) less decision to make on any given day. For me, I’ve started a routine of a “Bulletproof” Coffee in the morning and then an intermittent fast until early afternoon. I no longer spend time deciding on breakfast and my morning is a tiny bit simpler. When I was doing all of the things mentioned in my previous paragraph I felt like I was taking action in my life without trying to decide what to do. Journaling is just automatic word writing, blogging does take more thought… so it was the toughest decision in my morning routine. Morning (or any time) routines are just an antidote to Decision Fatigue.

So there, that’s my point in all of this. Oddly, in this streamlined world, we have MORE decisions to make on any given day than we used to. I have more choices, more opportunities than my parents did at my age and it adds up to be a bit more stress as I try to decide if I’m doing the right thing. Creating a ritual that you follow, or a routine that happens daily, you have a little less stress and hopefully a little easier day. But wait, “What about Mindfulness,” you say? Well, by now you know that Mindfulness is really about being present in the moment. If you have a routine or ritual you’re following, just be present in that process. I grind my coffee beans in the morning, so I’m considering that process while I do it. I take the time to smell the coffee as it brews, I am deliberate in my measurements for butter, coconut oil, protein powder, whatever. While it’s a thing I do every day, automatically, I’m still present every time I do it.

When you’re ready to simplify your morning, your lunch, your midday break, see if you can create an automatic behavior (what I keep calling ritual) that you can be mindful while doing, but that you don’t have to think about before you do it. I’m sure I’ll come up with a 10 things list at some point, but right now I encourage you to make your own 10 (or 7 or 4) item list of morning behaviors and commit to repeating them daily. With these things lumped into a routine, you’re slightly more free to explore other more pressing decisions!

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