Small Changes

A few months ago I had established myself into a routine of daily, if not every other day sitting down and writing for around half an hour. One day I got a puppy… and everything shifted. This small (arguably large I supposed) shift forced me to spend my morning routine within reach of the puppy in case it misbehaved. I could no longer seclude myself in the basement for daily yoga, I had a hard time being undisturbed for a full half hour and the routines I had been crafting so carefully were out the window… literally overnight.

Well now some time has passed, puppy has started to behave more like a family dog, and I’m still not back in that routine. As I look back at how I got started, it seems so hard to do now, so I’m looking at it strategically. The truth is that I didn’t just start writing and doing yoga every day. The truth is that I had been doing short yoga periodically, sometimes meditating and being thoughtful. Then I was making myself write at least once a week for as long as I could. It took baby steps with the biggest change being my desire. I would feel bad when I didn’t do things… I would think about when I could. It all started with the DESIRE to change and then one day I just pushed a little harder. That’s the case right now. I have a timer next to me that says I WILL type for at least 20 minutes. Even if this goes nowhere then I’ll have done this writing and will have started the process.

I look at this across everything I want to be different in my life, no and in the past. Small changes are still changes, the only place shame and pride exist are in my own mind, so why not just do it. YOU might be judging me, but I don’t know that and once I do know, it again is up to me to care about your opinion. The only thing holding me back is my own story, which is a topic for a future post I’m sure!

Years ago I was interested in new age things which led me to look into things that are pseudo-science and widely practiced. On the edge of that was handwriting analysis. It was suggested that someone skilled in this analysis could tell many things about me… and I don’t refute that at all. That being said, I also tried, years ago, to change my handwriting because I thought it was too sloppy. When I look at those two pieces of reality, I’ve always wondered… if I change my handwriting, does that change my personality? At some level, I believe so. At some level, I feel that by becoming more aware of myself, it pushes me to change another part of myself. Changing my handwriting meant I was becoming slower and more deliberate in how I communicated, this change in speed and intent made me more mindful but also more structured and more organized. I still see it when I journal by hand, some days I feel very “put together” and my handwriting is smaller and tighter. Other days I feel rushed and just want to get thoughts down or get the journaling over with and my handwriting becomes wild and erratic.

While I’m not saying that writing differently will change who I am fundamentally, taking the time to affect a certain change has a broader effect across my outlook however temporarily. I liken it to the chaos theory which most will have heard of in Jurassic Park. When a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the world, it could be a tsunami on the opposite side. Small changes, however chaotic, start a chain of events that have a larger impact. You might have also seen the less critically acclaimed “Butterfly Effect” which revolves entirely around how one small change in your life may affect many unexpected things.

I go into this theoretical physics tangent to just point out that change is always change, however small. If you want to see a difference in your life then it’s important to start, anywhere, in any way possible. Me writing this today will ripple, it might mean I write again tomorrow, it might just mean I pull out my journal and do some handwritten journaling again. By at least starting this, and more importantly by me putting this out into the world, I am back on a path of change… hopefully with the intent in which it is being written. We’ll see, but change is CHANGE.

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