Are You Failing Before You Even Start
“I give up”
It was a realization that sounded like failure, but oddly felt like success.
Historically, for me, that statement would be accompanied by shame and embarrassment.
So why was it different this time?
A bit of wisdom, a need to move and a healthy dose of shifting perspective.
The Difference Between Successful and Status Quo
Everyone I know has a slightly different idea of what “success” looks like. Sometimes it’s the easy answer of “A loving family and a quiet life” but the reality is, most people have more conditions than that.
Similarly, the number of people who have “found success” have different perspectives. It used to confound me. There are people that just know what they want to do, I wasn’t that person growing up, and I thought they were weird. That was me making excuses for my own lack of ‘success’ while comparing my results to theirs.
While there is some truth to weirdness, we are all weird in our own ways, the real answer was in their mindset and how they approached success.
Part of my problem, maybe part of yours, lies in the ADHD induced difficulty in staying interested in the same thing for a prolonged period of time. Part of it was the need to have multiple active ‘projects.’ Frankly, the unspoken, but largest part, was the limiting belief that they and I were just wired differently and there was nothing I could do about that.
The thing standing between your current circumstances and ‘success’ is your mindset and your willingness to accept your limiting beliefs.
We all make excuses, what makes some of us different is our willingness to let them be the reason to stop.
“ADHD is a curse.”
“I can’t follow a schedule. I can’t follow through.”
Every excuse you have is just a fancy way of manifesting a limiting belief that keeps you in the same place.
Changing Your Mindset Isn’t Easy
Mindset is a popular topic these days, with the emphasis being on a Growth Mindset. You should raise your kids to have one, you should have one, everyone should have one. I’m not saying that advice wrong, what I’m saying is talk is cheap.
I used to say I had a Growth Mindset.
I used to say I was Motivated to Learn.
Before that, I actually DID have that mindset and that motivation.
When I was younger, when I had fewer obligations, I was able to jump from interest to interest without a care. But when I started being responsible for other people’s health, I moved from having that mindset to just saying it. It felt good to say it.
Every day, every week or every year that you spend living a certain way is just reinforcement of your beliefs, limiting or not. That accumulation of belief bias is what creates your mindset. Children have a growth mindset inherently, it has to be trained out of you.
Mistakes made without lessons learned create a Victim or Complacency Mindset.
To change your Mindset, you have to stop finding the negative in others and in yourself. To develop a growth mindset, your perspective has to be intentionally improving yourself and seeing the good in others.
Look At Your Thoughts, Just Look at Them
If you’re failing, or afraid of failing, it’s time to look your relationship with failure. Journaling is a great way to do this. Spend time writing about something you tried, what the results were, what was successful or not, and what you’ve learned.
If you’re not succeeding in your life the way that you want, it’s time to look at your perspective on what success is. Spend time writing about what your life would look like with that success. What would your day look like, what habits would you have, how would you spend your mornings, days, nights and free time? If you’re not living that way now, why not.
We spend so much time wanting to “be rich” or “be fit” or “be loved” but those 2 word goals, especially if they don’t have any plans in place, are just wishes.
Being rich while working 3 jobs that pay minimum wage is not possible, (unless you were rich when you started.)
Being fit while eating sugary or processed foods and while not exercising consistently is impossible as well.
Write about your definition of success, and the kind of person you’d have to be to achieve it. Write about what you’d be doing to get those results. Most importantly, write about what that version of you thinks about, or how they view the world. How much time do they complain, and how much time do they spend in action?
Your Next Steps
Changing your life is as “simple” as changing your mindset, or your perspective.
Your next steps are to spend the next 3 days, or 3 hours, getting clear on what you don’t like right now, what you wish your life was like, and what you can do to change that.
Next, create a plan that you will follow for the next 90 days. Don’t marry it, don’t think it’s the only path, but commit to doing it. After 90 days, look at the results. At that point, do this same exercise again and identify what you’re happy with, what you’re not happy with and what you can do to change it.
The purpose is to create a plan, test and adjust it as needed to get your desired results. If 90 days is too long, or if you see a need to adjust sooner, do so.
I’ll give some better things to explore in the Journaling Prompts on Friday, but for now, finding a way to ‘give up’ what doesn’t work and allow yourself to start anew in making it happen.
I would love to help plan that out, leave a comment on this post if you want help, or send a chat. We can figure this out!