Are You Responding, or Reacting?
A subtle difference lies between these two words
10,000 years ago, we lived in a world that required reactions. Fight or Flight was an IMMEDIATE response that we developed to survive and evolve.
Without being able to make that gut response, we may have found ourselves chomped by a saber tooth tiger, or losing precious resources to other tribes. But most of us don’t live at that speed any longer.
As our brains grew more complex, so did our ability to react to our environment. While the ‘fight or flight’ response remained, we also started having the luxury of having a deliberate and calculated response to our environment.
The evolution of humanity and society came with our ability to be more deliberate, but it brought with it the ability to manipulate and be manipulated by others.
The world we live in is designed around the human trait of reaction, or often over-reaction.
Marketing - Good or Evil
Without writing out a full treatise on the evolution of the human brain, we can jump forward to the early 20th century and the advent of the modern style of marketing.
Freud’s cousin, Edward Bernays, observed that fight or flight, and then fear vs desire, can be used to manipulate people into buying products that were in direct opposition to what they actually needed. He created advertising campaigns that got people to react to their base desires, moving towards things they found ‘attractive’ and away from things that scared them.
More nuanced than ‘fight or flight’, marketing based on fear or desire relied on our subconscious reaction to things. We began to be bombarded with imagery that made us “want”, and it made us flee things that reminded us of death, or poverty.
Marketing, on its own, can be somewhat innocuous, but the intent is always to present something in a manner that makes you want to have it.
Fear vs Desire, the new, modern version of ‘fight or flight’ was yet again taking advantage of the human nature to react.
Everybody has an agenda
Whether it’s trying to sell you something, to own your attention, or to garner your support for their actions or platform, the entire modern world is built around you and how others can get something from YOU!
You are special. You have something others want.
Unless you’re completely oblivious to the world around you, none of this is new information.
Most people are aware of advertisements and marketing efforts targeted at them. While we might not always recognize what happening, we do feel its effects.(Why are McDonald’s ads showing people playing sports, not showing me food? Why am I signing the McDonald’s jingle?)
We’re in a modern age where the Brand is the thing to build. Have your name associated with a lifestyle, or a movement… that’s how you have enduring success.
Once you associate yourself with a brand, once it becomes your identity, you don’t even have to think for yourself anymore.
“I’m outdoorsy and adventurous, so I should buy a Jeep, I should wear Columbia gear, I should buy a rooftop tent”
“I’m intelligent and studious, so I wear glasses and drive a Volvo. I’m safe and conscientious, so I recycle, I only purchase things with a 5-star rating from Consumer Reports.”
We don’t even see the brand, or the marketing anymore, we just have the “in group” and the “out group” and we follow that crowd.
Creating movements, brands and identities is … you guessed it… creating a world that relies on your tendency to react.
Responding is counter culture
I mentioned before that humans did grow to have more complicated brains over time, that’s how we ended up with modern societies and tools. That capacity to be deliberate still exists.
In fact, it’s someone being deliberate behind marketing we endure. There is still someone “pulling the strings” that are manipulating people into mindless behaviors. But those people don’t want you to know about them, more importantly, they don’t want you to know you have a choice.
The design of modern society is for people to react to everything in the world, or in some cases to become so overwhelmed with things that need a reaction, that you shut down, and you just accept your fate, like a cow led to the slaughter mill.
They don’t want you to realize, you still have free will.
Your ability to stop, take a breath, consider your surroundings, and respond with intentionality makes you powerful. It makes you an individual who can change the world.
The caveman had to react because he had a very small window for that decision to be made. Once he had tools that allowed him to consider the actions he took, he gained the ability to respond.
The ability to take your time and choose your response has an even greater power, when you can take a moment to choose your next action you can also start to be strategic.
Strategy is the ULTIMATE response trait
There will always be some things you have to do right now, to react to or to respond to with urgency. That’s part of the dynamism of life, and honestly, it’s what keeps life interesting. But you can create a strategy that makes it easier to react appropriately.
Need to find a job? — You could just apply for everything that piques your interest, or you could deliberately consider a job that leverages your skills, keeps your brain active and interested and that serves your own needs on an equal or greater level than the employer.
Want to lose weight? — Ozempic seems to be the way to get results without having to change your life, but it has side effects. Changing your relationship with food and exercise will result in a lifestyle shift that not only loses weight, it’ll also make you stronger and healthier.
Learning to define your life around your needs, having a strategy to become your ideal self, gives you purpose for each day and for your future.
Having a strategy that is specific to your strengths and weaknesses, whether it’s a busy life, not having a vehicle, dealing with ADHD or Autism executive dysfunctions, or whatever conditions you’re in, is like having a map to your destination
Strategy looks like this:
Figure out who you are — What matters to you? What are your desires? Values?
Figure out who you want to be — What will matter to you in 50 years? 5 years? Tomorrow?
Define your roadmap — what needs to change to align with your values? to get to your 50 year or 5-year plan?
Create your milestones — what will success look like as you’re heading down that road? How can you stay aligned to who you want to be?
Take the first step — what do you need to this week? Today? That aligns with that long term vision and those nearer term milestones?
If you have half an hour, you can take the first steps.
If you can spare half an hour a week, you can keep yourself on target.
Your future self will be created either by your reaction to the world, or your response to your dreams.
The more struggles you have today, the more strategy you need for tomorrow
Chaos Cooperative is my effort to create a safe place for neurodivergent people who are better able to thrive around people struggling with the same struggles. It’s small right now, and ready for founders to help turn it into something for “us” not just “me.”
It officially opens at the start of March, where paid members will have access to resources including:
a monthly challenge,
weekly check-ins and sprints,
monthly group sessions and workshops
community chats and discussions
Until then, I’m doing weekly sessions to get a feel for what to expect. You can visit the community at the link above.
This week’s session is on Thursday, February 20th at 11 AM MST:
Thinking Outside the Box - Define YOUR Version of Success Workshop
You’ll need to create an account and join a plan (there is a free Trial Mode plan) to RSVP, but then you’ll also have access to the calendar, and you can see the other free sessions each week and plan to attend any of those as well.