What is Masking and Can it be Channeled?
Everyone has personas they create for life, it can be draining, but also invigorating.
Fake it til you make it.
Play the part.
Wearing different hats.
Put on your big boy pants.
Cowboy up.
There are a lot of odd ways to say, be someone different to get this thing done. Most importantly, though, it is normal enough that it’s a universal concept.
That being said, in the “neurodivergent” world, masking can be a double-edged sword.
Masking for people with ADHD or Autism is where you hide a part of yourself to fit in with the world. To be accepted as normal.
I don’t want to trivialize that type of masking, as it can sometimes be hard to manage.
If you do have thoughts or struggles with masking, I would truly love to hear them and hope you will respond to this email or message me in chat if you’d like.
The topic of masking, today, is more so to recognize that we can channel other perspectives and hopefully be able to put them on and take them off as needed.
What are the desirable masks to craft?
If your life is nothing but masks and nobody can see the real you, it can make you seem like a sociopath. Ideally, you should only lean into using a mask as a temporary solution.
The point of a mask is to put yourself in a mindset that is compatible with an activity. Here are some examples of times you shift your perspective:
Doing taxes - You’re putting on your accountant mask, looking for deductions and being detail oriented about spending.
Parenting - You have to stop and be serious with the kids sometimes, no funny business. Hold your ground and make it clear that the topic is important.
Research - Be curious, be thorough, be diligent. You want to find information and resources efficiently and record it in a way that makes it easy to reference later.
Dating - Particularly early in a relationship. People are on their best behavior and try to show the best version of themselves at the start of a relationship.
Sporting Events (Participating) - They call it a ‘Game Face’ for a reason. Athletes performing their best are deliberate in staying focused during the event.
The more I add items to the list, the more it becomes clear that we’re swapping masks out all the time.
If you can identify a reason you need to be the best version of some aspect of yourself, then you can find a way to create a mask that goes with it.
What does mask creation look like?
I talked a while back about the ‘Primed 90’ system, where you set yourself up for success by having a routine before starting 90 minutes of deep work. That is basically what creating a mask looks like.
Decide what you’re getting out of the mask, it’s benefits or purpose.
Get yourself hyped about the thing that needs the mask. Read about it, journal about it, listen to a podcast, watch a video.
Decide how a person that embodies that mask thinks and talks. What do they do. Why they’re the expert.
Ask yourself, “Why am I an expert at this mask’s purpose” (but, you know, say the purpose.)
Obviously different masks will have a different purpose, sometimes you want to have a bit of ritual like this, but sometimes you just assume the role out of habit.
When do you take it off? When do you stop using it altogether?
Regarding our mental health, masking can be problematic. If you feel the need to be someone else to function in society, it doesn’t feel good. You live a life thinking something is wrong with you. That type of masking can be tremendously draining, as you’re always pretending and always have your guard up.
If you’re creating a mask to be someone you’re not, you’re setting your life up for heartbreak and sadness. That isn’t what I’m hoping to promote here.
The temporary or situational masks I’ve described above are something you use to handle a task, or to help you become something new. If you wear the mask of Entrepreneur for a while, you start to think like that person.
If you create a mask that is the person you want to become, you can wear it until it isn’t a mask.
The mask of a focused athlete comes off after the game. You unwind and relax. Nobody wants to deal with ‘high intensity you’ at the dinner table.
Masks are tremendously useful if you can leverage them properly
When you can put on your game face and get something done, everybody wins. Being able to shift yourself temporarily to get things done is a high value skill. Being able to protect yourself with a mask is also useful, as long as you have a place in your life to take it off and still be yourself.
I started writing this after talking with several other people about how masking affects their lives. In both cases they’re living with autism and in both cases, they wish they could turn it off and on at will. I’m sympathetic and wish I could say this post is helpful to them, but I can’t be sure.
While I’ve lived most of my life masking some of my quirks, I feel like I have been able to be my authentic self most of the time. That being said, something I’ve endured, and maybe it’s not because of my ADHD, I feel like working a life in a corporate environment has stunted my growth. Living a life chasing other people’s dreams profits left me feeling drained, depressed and listless.
My goal is to create (or help create) a handful of masks to get us through ‘the hard stuff’ periodically, and otherwise chase our hopes and dreams with as much authenticity as possible.
Do you have any masks that you’re aware of?
Do you recognize when you’re putting it on or taking it off?
Do these masks help you or hurt you?
Comments are always welcome.