Why 'Try Harder' Doesn't Work and What to Do Instead
Two weeks ago, I was struggling to start writing. If you go back and read that ‘mindfullish’ post, it’s obvious.
The metaphorical ‘one foot in front of the other’ solution was for me to just write words, string sentences of any type together. It worked like a lubricant, slowly releasing words from my head to my fingers.
This past weekend, I had another unmotivated start to the day, but I have a similar commitment to myself and exercise. It was Sunday, which is usually when I get outside and see the neighborhood.
The only thing that had me out the door was that ‘I exercise every morning’ rule in my head. I didn’t have to listen to podcasts, I didn’t have to be productive in any capacity, I just needed to move.
Literally… one foot in front of the other.
The only way either of these happened was something different from force of will. I hate when my ADHD fueled apathy is met with the simple answer of ‘just try harder.’
That’s not motivational to an ADHD brain. That’s not how it works.
It isn’t always like this, it wasn’t always like this…
“Try Harder” are just words…
… and words are wind.
I love a good slogan, a simple solution, or some tweetable wisdom. The truth is, it’s never more than words on a page, they have yet to pull me off the couch and do something with my life.
Inspirational tweets create the illusion of motivation.
The only times I have accomplished anything, has been through my own self-directed motivation. That’s how it is for a lot of, maybe most, people, so this might seem obvious.
My motivation last week was not me trying harder, it was me just doing anything. I wasn’t trying to make a specific thing happen, I was trying to make ANYTHING happen.
When I started walking on Sunday, it wasn’t anything more than me honoring a commitment to move. I didn’t ‘try’, I just ‘did’ and accepted whatever results arrived.
The first 15 minutes of my walk was me saying, “I’ll turn up here and head back to the house,” but I kept pointing myself away from home. I walked back into the house 60 minutes later, feeling more motivated and better for having done some low level exercise.
I didn’t pat myself on the back after writing or walking. It wasn’t a cause for celebration, I didn’t accomplish some monumental task.
Trying harder suggests intentional result. All I did was stop doing nothing.
Create a Pillar Habit
I’ve written every day for the past 5 months. I’ve exercised every day for the past 24+ months. Both were started with some effort, and I kept at them because I liked the results. I liked how it made me feel. Today, they’re two defining aspects of my day and my life.
I think YOU should write and exercise every day, but that doesn’t mean anything. You likely have your own needs. It’s up to you to define your own habits.
What’s notable about both of these habits is that I was very forgiving. “Exercise” could be yoga, or a walk, or weight lifting. Writing could be a journal entry, a tweet, a newsletter or a blog post. They were completely open to interpretation on each day.
At the time that I started either of these habits, they were things I wanted to do, but as I continued to do them, my mindset shifted, and they became part of my identity.
Those two habits are statements about me:
I’m a writer.
I’m healthy.
A Pillar Habit is something that defines you. It’s something you would mention on a regular basis when people ask what you do, or enjoy.
A Pillar Habit is built into your identity.
To identify the pillars you want to create, look at who you are today, who you want to be and what that person does. Find a habit that you would expect to be doing in a year or 5 years.
Start simple, start vague, but start.